Whoops, I just noticed that I used ‘hell’ twice on this page. That’s what happens when I make (slight) changes to the script on the fly. Ah, well, I can edit it. Any suggestions for other expressions that either Roger or Zoey can use?
↓ Transcript
Zoey: What the hell?
Roger: Why does everything keep exploding?
Jacob: Do either of you have a camera on the base?
Zoey: Oh, yeah.
Roger: Yeah. Crap. There's dozens of drones. And Jacob -- that Genocide agent who attacked the island is here. It's a hell of a mess.
Roger: Why does everything keep exploding?
Jacob: Do either of you have a camera on the base?
Zoey: Oh, yeah.
Roger: Yeah. Crap. There's dozens of drones. And Jacob -- that Genocide agent who attacked the island is here. It's a hell of a mess.
Well, any expletive works in “what the X”. Just a question of what tone you’re going for and what tone Zoe’d go for.
I’ve been on a Shadowrun binge, so “drek” is one thing that comes to mind. 🙂
Frack?
I think “It’s a bloody mess” would be very apt for the final panel
I hadn’t noticed before you brought it up, but I rather like that the page starts with “What the Hell?” and ends with “It’s a Hell of a mess.”
I like how the camera’s overlap is depicted. Nicely done!
It’s realistic, people do sometimes repeat words.
Who’s saying what in the last cluster?
I was going to connect word balloons to the second panel, but I decided it covered too much art and wasn’t that important. In the transcript I assigned all the third panel dialogue to Roger.
@Pat, That’s how I read it. Because the balloons were on the same side of the page as his out of panel portrait, I think.(Also, as he was on ‘the’ island he’s more likely to refer to it as such, whereas it would be more natural for Zoey to refer to it by name).
As side note, I don’t see a problem with two ‘Hells’ but would probably replace ‘What the hell?’ With “What on earth?’ if needed…
How about replacing ‘hell of a’ with ‘damned’?
I would like to second “it’s a bloody mess.” It seems fitting.
Why not the good old fuck? Like in “What the fuck’!
I’m trying to avoid the worst cursewords. 🙂 I think this is the first page on which I’ve used ‘hell’. I know ‘damn’ has crept in once or twice. Don’t want anything worse than that. This is a kid-friendly comic about apocalypse and mass-murder.